Wednesday, January 20, 2010

one step at a time

You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.

Love and I had a love/hate relationship for a long time, I battled with it for years, not because I didn't understand it or "like" it. But because I didn't see how one could give their self so freely to be so vulnerable to another. My greatest fear (& I use present tense because it's still remains to be true) is being hurt, vulnerable to the insanity that love can do to a person.

Is it worth it? That's all I would ask myself and the answer always can back as, NO! Although there is NO love like self love, we still need the love of others in order to survive and fulfill this world! So in reality it is worth it and will always be worth it, regardless of how it turns out, love is never wrong!

Being a relationship and not "letting go" is really setting yourself and the other person up for failure. As much as I wanted to I couldn't. I had to fight a lot of demos, I couldn't understand why I had this amazing, wonderful, giving, loving man in front of me and not just "give in" give into the emotions I felt for him. You can't continue to love someone half heartily, or race to hurt then just so they wont have a chance to hurt you.

I'm still a work in progress and everyday is a battle for me but I know it's worth it because nothing hurts me more then to hear him say.. "why do you keep running from me, why won't you let me love you", I hear that and my heart stops because I don't know why. I love this man beyond words but sometimes I still guard myself, my heart, my feelings. Some times still I try to make him upset or leave me just so I'll know it's coming.

But it was my final decision to let go and let love because it's not worth it if you not willing to fall and fall hard. Sometimes we don't realize how damaged we are until someone points it out. I know this is going to be the man that I marry, I know this.

So guard down, walls broken, arms open, and heart ready to give myself and our relationship all, 100%. No one is perfect but love let's you see imperfections perfectly. April will mark a year for us, I'm so happy.


3 love notes:

Elizabeth said...

aww. that is so sweet! great photo!

Miss.Fortune said...

you made some really valid points..
and this is ironic because today i was talking to myself about love and came across this..

"the fear of being hurt is more important to some than feeling the joys of love" -wale

sheiswinterwest said...

i love this post! we sometimes get hurt its apart of life & it makes us stronger. I'm happy for you two! love is a beautiful thing even though sometimes it has it's ugly moments.