Friday, July 24, 2009

backtracking

I didn’t want to fix it, to forget. It wasn’t something that was broken. It’s just… something that happened. And like that hole, I’m just finding ways, every day, of working around it. Respecting and remembering and getting on at the same time. somethings can only be avoided for so long... until it's time to deal with them, make a choice and face it head on. For almost three years I've worn these blinders that kept me from seeing or thinking about the, what if's. I moved on, alone and did what I had to do for me and mines. PROUDLY Never whining, bitching, or complaining about my "poor" life, whoo is me, & all that only BS. I just handled mine, GROWN WOMEN. But like life has it's way of making you have a seat and watching 'it' do it's thing, I'm front row center watching this puppy unfold. I was once told, "when you don't know what to do, do nothing at all..." pretty wise, no wrongs, no rights, just nothing. That's pretty much what I'm doing, just gonna let this one play out. Sum might be reading this thinking WHAT IN THE WORLD??!? & sum (humble makers) most likely know the deal. I don't want to go to much into depth about it, cause it's REAL life shit, I don't care to spread my ish all over town like I was Sharron Stone or something. haha. But basically it's in regards to my son and his father. Bottom line, my son means everything to me and this is about him, his life, his future. I've had so much anxiety this week, just knowing what choices I make will effect my child and his future, the man he will become and how he live. *deep sigh* In the end I know things will work out, just the way it should. Meanwhile I just have to get my nerves, anxiety, and stress under control.

1 love notes:

cupacke said...

My lala....so grown up and so wise....all i can say is that there will be hard times but nothing will be worse that the struggles you have been threw. Your a strong beautiful smart amazing women and will make the right decisions for the lil man that has brought so much joy and happiness to all of our lives. Your a wonderful mommy and nothing will change that just know that I am behind you 100% and the anxiety and the nerves will subside as things unravel slowley and you learn that your decision was the best for you and lil man!!! i love you lots lala face!
xoxooxx
love your cupcake