Monday, March 30, 2009

in love

with, myself.

incoming text messages this morning.

"why do I miss u and think about u all the time. What did ur punkass do to me."
@9:53am - D

"Damn will u marry me!? There needs to be more like you!"
@9:45am - T

Over the last couple of months I've met and befriended some really amazing people, who I feel worthy enough to give me friendship too. (I don't do this very often) I have tons of people I socialize with but very few friends, people I get on a personal level with! I have to say that these new friends of mine are very lucky individuals because they have met LaLa at a beautiful stage in her life. I'm going at 110 mph and I feel amazing in my own skin. I'm happy. (period.) I can say that without holding my breath or thinking twice about it and this is a first for me. I'm in love with myself. Enjoying being single and taking care of me, myself, I and Ex.

With Confidence comes attraction this is something I've always known. But there is a difference between, "faking the funk" and "meaning the means" & dudes know and can tell the difference. They love (& when I say 'they' I mean MEN, not boys) a women with self respect, self love, and independence. It's like a weakness to meet a women who carries her own and does it with pride, confidence and a smile. Who doesn't NEED a man and currently doesn't really WANT one either. Is just happy doing her and living life. "what happens, happens" is basically what I'm looking at and it's doing me much justice. But just like pms "offers" pop up when you least need nor want them. I'm enjoying being single and my "ME TIME" and just feel a relationship (right now) would hinder everything I have worked so hard for. I'm really up front and honest stating, "the only things I have to offer you is my friendship" the golden ones are down and the rest fall off and that's fine cause honestly friendship is where it starts! Recently it's just been harder, these dudes are riding me, wanting to be more then friends. Claiming they love my swag, how I carry myself, how I act, talk, walk, this that and third. I keep pushing the reminder that I SPECIFICALLY told them from the gate, I'm not looking to get into a relationship at this point and time. Respectfully I don't lead anyone on, I'm not holding no one here because honestly right now, there is ONLY room for ME!

I've learned I don't need a man to complete me, baby I was born complete when god made me! I've learned that no man can EVER possibly love me until I learn to love myself. I've learned that if you continue to put others before yourself, you'll soon forget all about you. I've learned that you are responsible for making you happy, it's your job, no one else. I've learned that when you embrace who you are, others will too. Many days I've longed for a man, a relationship, love. It was such a want, a yearning, at times a need. But it was only because I had such a void in my heart and life that I thought would be fixed by it. I was so wrong. I never took the time to stop and do me. Love me. Take care of me. I had forgotten all about me. While people used and abused me, I never took care of those wounds and never stopped it from happening again. I've grown so much as a person and realized that I'm my #1 and I am what I needed all along! The importance of loving you, is EVERYTHING! Nothing will work properly until you find you. Babygirl reading this post understand that I've been where you were at, "loving" men that don't love you, looking in the mirror but not really looking at you, blaming yourself, hating yourself, and doing it all with a huge fake smile on your face, claiming life is good and your happy. I know and you know it's not real. So get real, get real love, for yourself!! I encourage you to take care of you the way you want a man too.

I know some amazing men and I enjoy them very much but the truth is my hearts already taken, I'm in love with myself.



happily,
elle

6 love notes:

The Corny Collins Show said...

Damn, looks like I got alot of competition, @ times we stray from those who we feel is meant for us, damn if that ain't the way to go.

I guess I'll sit out on this one.

(yep, that was completely subliminal)

Alex said...

I suggest you read this article, written by a successful independent woman.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Successful-Career-Womans-Guide-to-Landing-and-Keeping-a-Man!&id=98031

This idea that you have to love yourself first is really new to society. Society flourished for thousands of years without it. If this individualistic approach continues, it will be the demise of the cooperative society we cherish.

You say that you learned that you need to take care of yourself. But this is not how society works. Society is built upon cooperation. People are meant to care for one another. People are not meant to live for themselves.

The problem wasn't that you weren't focusing on yourself. The problem was that society is becoming too individualistic. You didn't get your emotional needs met because you were neglected. Your response that you need to love yourself first is understandable, but it is unhealthy and it only perpetuates the individualism that is destroying society. When you do get hurt, you shouldn't turn inward. You should turn outward, to your friends, family, and loved ones. Society is designed to provide support. It's not meant to be inwardly focused.

You SHOULD need love. You SHOULD need a man. Men need to be needed. If you tell a man on a first date that you don't need him, you won't have a second date. Men need to be needed.

Good luck and God bless.

LaLa said...

Alex let me first start by thanking you for coming threw and taking time to read this post!

I would like to clear up a few things.

1. I'm in NO way a selfish person nor am I selfish with my love giving.

2. the people in my life are EXTREMELY LOVED, appreciated, and cared for!

3. I in NO way feel or think that I don't need a man. I just simply know that at this point of my life I don't want a RELATIONSHIP. Of course I need a man and want a man one day. We are not meant to stay and dwell alone forever. I believe, know, and understand that.

4. I know all about a man needing to feel wanted. It's a crucial thing in a relationship. When in a realtionship I'm actually an a super partner. I love making my man feel needed. It's very important.
I never said I told a man he was needed, I just simply say I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship at this point and time. Love and relationships should be built on friendship first anyhow, people seem to leave that out, thus why relationship don't last.

I get and respect what you are saying and to each there own. But I think we kind of got are wires crossed and you misunderstood my post for thinking I'm indulging in self involvement and that's NOT the case AT ALL. I simply found myself and I'm enjoying getting to know me more and more. I also enjoy dating and when I find that man who makes me feel like taking that jump into a relationship, I wont fight it. I LOVE men, that will never change, I love everything about them and one day I'll have my very own. ;)

Thanks again and I hope you'll keep reading.


@cornbread - boi you are crazy, you and your subliminal. I feel you but like I said it's all friendships!! This isn't a race so there is no competition!

The Corny Collins Show said...

Oh no,I'm butter.
losing you to you is a good thing.
right?

J.Rae said...

i meant to comment earlier but i was being so lazy. i just posted and soooo slowly but surely im starting to "get it". it really doesnt matter how i feel about Louis if we're meant to be great if not, keep it moving. in the meantime i can't worry about him. as hard as it's going to be (after what i talked about in my post lol ) im gonna have to try my hardest NOT to contact him. it's just not going to get me anywhere at this point in time. i need to work on me, focus on me, love me all the way. nobody is going to love me more than i love myself...whether he understands that or not i can't concern myself with. even if he did/does finally learn his lesson, it's not about what he wants it's about what i want. i think i need to be a lil selfish for a while honestly, friends/family included. i've gotten so used to doing for everybody else i feel like a machine sometimes, its time to get real again!

Tuotierugif >^..^<© said...

I think this post reached alot of a girls who needed it, even if they wont comment and say so. For some reason our sex continues to get wrapped up in the male psyche that we forget ourselves and dont think about our hapiness. I loved this post cause its real and from the heart! Your like an older/wiser blog sis lol ;)