Sunday, March 01, 2009

by invitation only , careful what you ask for

anyone who knows me personal or faithful reads on blog knows that my main goal of 2009 was (and is) to find divine love in myself, completely practice {FAITHFULLY} unconditional self-love. The process of my emancipation began because frankly, getting taking advantage of & letting yourself get taken advantage of GETS OLD!! It's not until certain things in my life happened that I realized people are going to treat you the way you allow them to treat you (period). For a LONG time a believed and thought, you should treat people the way you want to be treated! But the reality is that isn't the case in today's world! Sadly majority of people are looking for a hand out, only interested in what you can do for them, and always expecting something, or MORE!! I realized I had a lot of, what I like to call "life suckers" in my life, you know people who just "suck" the life out of you, people who drain you, with their 'TAKING', constant one sided friendship, relationship. It's an exhausting thing and I got sick of it and realized I was carrying SO many pointless and worthless people in my life. Needless to say I did a lot of CLEANING and self overview. I came to the conclusion it was just as much, if not more my fault that people were taking advantage of me as it was theirs. I let my "standards" resurface and alter my thinking and prospective of people. In doing so I've become (and still becoming) such a happier person! Now those who know me personal, know I'm always happy, always wear a smile, and always laughing. BUT I'm talking about an internal happiness, down to my soul. I've reached a place where I know my worth and refused to settle anymore!! My prayer was (is), "instill in me unconditional self-life, let me be happy with who I am, the women am, the places I've been, the things I've done. Let me love me more then any other person. Let me find happiness and love in myself, by myself. Give the strengthen to let go of people I don't need and the wisdom to see who they are. Make me a better me."

Thus where the, Be careful what you ask for comes into play. Lately I am better, I feel better, my attitude has changed, and I'm happy. As am still evolving and coming into my own, I've realized my reception of people has changed so much. It's hard for me to look at people or meet people and see the good in them or give them the benefit of the doubt. I've HARDEN and closed up. Not 100 on weather or not this is good or bad. Over the last few months I've met some pretty interesting people. As I get to know them more I'm torn between embracing and believing who they are and thinking that they are full of shit. It's become a battle in my mind of basically trying to protective, what is MINE, which is me. I've never really been a guard person and I've become one. All has to be earned now and that's just the way it is. I have zero patients for people who thinks I owe them something especially when I just met you. I'm use to that type of BS. But when you get people who seem to be on the real and genuine, that's where the hard part kicks in, how do you let them do you convince yourself that it is ok to let them in, when you've gotten to a place where your content with yourself and everyone you already have in your life.....

This is where I scratch my head.

make a believer out of me,

1 love notes:

Seth B. said...

Best believe that this is going to be a constant battle, struggle if you will. People are not always who they appear to be. Continue praying for clarity and it will be granted to you. And above all, take care yourself before anyone else buddy!