Friday, January 30, 2009

mommy & daddy

Driving to work this morning, all I could think about was, "I'm I a good mother". Waking my son up for school (daycare) this morning was a struggle, he did not want to wake up and did not want to get dress, he fought me the entire time up until we pulled up in front of his daycare. As any other normal person, I was frustrated, over whelmed and annoyed! *not a wonderful way to start your day* As I beat myself up about the situation and all other behind it, I started to feel madd anxiety. Stop for a moment and talked to god. My faith is beyond what some people would call strong. I know that with him, all things are possible, and I know that he would never put me in or give me a situation I couldn't handle and handle well. The reality is I'm a single mom, single meaning solo. I do this everyday by my self. Play mommy and daddy. See the trouble is it's hard enough trying to be a "good mom" let alone a "good dad" at the very same time. I struggle every day, battle myself...I can't be too soft, can't be too hard, can't baby him too much, can't be to tough on him... It's exhausting and all the while all I wanted was to be his MOM. See what many people fail to realize is that as a parent, you responsible for this child, you are shaping and molding them into what will soon be an adult in the real world. Showing and guiding them, life, giving, respect, how to act, how to deal, copping, in my case how to be a man, independence, how to a gentle man, etc etc.. the list go on forever. Let's face it, I'm no man, I know what I think a man should be but how can I teach him to be something I'm not. I have been blessed with a child that's way beyond his years, he is amazing. He's smart, listens, and has so much respect and manners. But my consult battle with myself to be with half mom half dad pulls me from truly enjoy my son, enjoying being a mom because I'm so busy play to roles and providing what should be two incomes. I love my son more then anything on this earth, he is truly the reason I get up every morning. God gives me the strength I need to raise this little boy, sometimes I just have to remember that. Once I got into the office I check my email and found this Essence article waiting for me:
How to Raise Strong Sons It's a letter from single mother raising her 9 year old son. This really touched my heart and only reassured me that I'm not alone and that once again god hears me, listens, and gives me the answers.

the letter.
Dear Iyanla,
As a single parent of a 9-year-old prince, I’m in a crisis. I know I am raising my son with God’s help, not alone. But can you help me understand what I need to do to help him grow into a self-assured, loving, morally grounded and strong Black man? It devastates me to see so many of our sons without meaningful connections, compassion, achievement or direction. How can we reach a generation of fatherless Black boys who rebel because they feel the odds are against them?

the response.
Relax! Breathe. Take heart. You are blessed with everything you need to raise your prince into a king. As the mother of a son, I know how challenging it is to find the models of manhood your son needs. I am also aware of the challenges that confront sisters who are raising sons on faith, with no male in the home. In fact, most men are raised by women even when Daddy is there. The mother teaches the child mobility, language and self-care. She nurtures the child’s body with food, mind with information and heart with love. Fathers make a powerful contribution, but for the first five years of a child’s life, Mom’s got it going on!
As a mother and a grandmother, I share your concerns about what seems a developmental lag among young Black men. But I know who our young men really are. I know where they come from, their history, their ancestry. The odds aren’t against them; many create their own odds. But as with our young women, too many of them don’t have the appropriate tools or information to navigate the time we live in. How can you help? Make sure your son gets tools. And, when appropriate, borrow those tools from positive men in your family or community. via Essence

3 love notes:

Sarah Noelle said...

this was really moving.
i dont have any kids but this was really really really moving.
god bless you and your little boy im sure you will just fine and will serve as the best mother he could ever ask for. you already have.

Little Miss Knobody said...

Awww. I also don't have any children but I can understand and appreciate the struggle and sacrifice it takes raising them on your own. It seems like you got it down to a science though. Keep doing an awesome job! I have no doubt he'll turn into a respectful (handsome) young man :)

Charlie Pierce said...

Keep pushing! Your son appreciates you so much and always will.