Thursday, January 29, 2009

the boy who cried wolf

Remember the story of the boy who cried wolf... always calling out for help, saying the wolf was near about to attack and eat him and that little fucker was always lying!! Then finally when the wolf was really present, that boy got swallowed like a MF, why? Because by then NO ONE believed his crying wolf ass and no one came to help him because he was a LAIR! You can't continue to live your life crying wolf and expect people to continuously rescue you. Pretty soon they will get tired, stop coming, stop believing, and let you get eaten by the big bad wolf.

I believe that people do treat you the way you allow them to treat you. I've been the "nice girl" all my life. Always and forever getting taken advantage of and always under appreciated and underestimated. Never a taker but always a giver. It's hard to change something you've done your whole life. It's hard to say "NO" when your so use to saying "yes". But the truth is you get tired of being burned damn you get tired of being the "good friend", it all gets old and takes it's toll on you. Because mean while, while you were out taking care of everyone else, making others smile, cheering them up, you've forgotten about you and so have they. Who takes care of you? Who comes to save you when the big bad wolf is near?

I feel like I've spent a life time living throw others peoples happiness, where one smile begins to fade, I make sure I'm there putting it back in place. I feel like I've taken a beat seat to my own life and put that shit on cruise control better yet auto polite. Bad news is I forgot how to turn off auto polite. All I know how to do is smile and make sure everyone around me is comfortable and happy. One of my biggest joys in life is giving, in EVERY aspect of the words. Giving love, giving laughter, giving friendship, advise, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, gifts, a smile, what you can think of I've given it 100x over and over again. I guess in many ways my biggest passion and love has turned into my very own curse and glass box.

At the end of the day I've been responsible for many smiles but none my own. The one I wear is permanent but has no real substance behind it. I've forgotten how good it feels just to cry and just to scream. Not because anything is wrong but because everything is. Life is short. Gifts run out. People forget you and all you've done. People cry wolf and people get eaten by the big bad wolf everyday. I can't save everyone and I can't make everyone happy and I for sure as hell can't please every single person that needs pleasing. I can clear see that NO ONE (not one single person) in waiting in line to please me, so why I'm I in theirs?

Bottom line, I go to bed alone, wake up alone, sing myself a song every morning and ask the lord to show me how to be a better person, be more like him. Our god is NOT a selfish god and that's the last thing I ever want to be thought of... but lately I'm just wondering... "what about me?" I don't expect anyone to come by, wave a wand and change my mood, make me happy, giggle and laugh but it would be a nice change to see someone try. The confusion lays there on your shoulder where I wish I could lay my head but your to busy talking to realize how much I really care. So I be polite and keep to listening, once again put my feelings aside and let you bitch and wine about more people that ain't me, the entire time wondering how did I get back to this place. Life just funny that way. I wouldn't complain even when given the opportunity, I wouldn't tell you how wrong I think you are and tell you what you really need. I'll just simply give these words of encouragement and tell you how great you are. Both are very true but not the right words I should be speaking to you. Don't become one of those boy who just cry wolf, I'm just not up for it!

The lesson is clear, don't use up your cry's on lies, you may run out when you really truly need one and when you do no one may believe it to be true. You'll be a fool who gets eaten by that wolf.

1 love notes:

MENDOZA SANTOS said...

UGH I JUST WROTE SOMETHING SENTIMENTAL, AND BLOGGER EFF'D UP.

ugh

anyways. i was saying that i totally feel you on this girl. everything.

i love giving as well; love, laughter, advice, gifts, etc., but after a while, these people begin EXPECTING it from you. ugh!
but i think that's just human nature - my question is: how do you satisfy your need to give through someone who isn't worthy.

i usually end up cutting them off.
if people/FRIENDS dont respect you the same way you respect them - they dont deserve your friendship. let them keep running to people who they think give a damn.. and slowly.. they'll run so far, they hve no where to go.

but also - respect yourself in knowing they're taking advantage of you, & my LALABOO def. does NOT deserve that.
smh.