Thursday, January 22, 2009

22 and I already broke you,

To be a healthier, happier me Well as many of you know or may remember my 4 for 09, my new years goals... I guess old habits die hard. This picture is where I spent the night, last night. I got so tired of running to the bedroom every time I had to throw up, I was burning up and the cold bathroom floor which was near the porcelain god seemed like the perfect place the lay. As my faithfuls know I've been working now, 11 days straight. No days off and 10 plus hours a day. On top of being a mom when I get home from work I was madd lacking in sleep and just piece of mind. I've be super stressed out and spending way to much time thinking about what's lacking in my life. I know, I know, this is totally taking away from and IGNORING everything I had said I wanted for myself this year. I've just seemed to be on this on going battle with myself that's never ending. I hustle hard then anyone I know and I feel like it's gotten me nothing, but work satisfaction but what the hell does and can that do for me... heh. Well after spending the night in pain, by myself. Can you believe I woke up and STILL went to work lol yea I know.. I put myself together, something I've become so great at doing, put that smile on and went into the office. I did well, despite the great deal of pain I was in and minus the dizzy spells I was able to get a lot of work done. By 11:30 I felt really wired.. I got up to go to the bathroom and nearly passed out... I was pissed. I couldn't believe once again I was doing this to myself and my body. Back to the Doctors I go... Just what I didn't want. Dr. Mancilla had a lot to say, like always, "you pride yourself on working but you'll work yourself to Death & then where will Exavier be...your job will just hire a replacement" she really knows to lay on a thick ass guilt trip. I just always think to myself I have to hustle hard to give my son everything, to be a good parent, to be happy... Well none of that has proved to be true yet. I just seem to spend far to much time in my doctors office. Once again hooked up to an IV, a shot to the butt to stop the throwing up, and prescription for anxiety. She talked a bit about anti-depressants but I wasn't trying to hear all that and she knows that. I talked her out of putting me on bed rest again by promising to slow my roll. Good news I slept a LOT when I got home, I felt a lot better when I woke to Chris "nudging" me on Twitter lol by the time I got myself adjusted and online he was off anyway, I could of punched him for that lol. Clearly we are 22 days into the new year and I have broken one of the biggest of my goals and I have to do something about it. My biggest issue is I'm such a "people pleaser" and it's extremely hard for me to say NO or feel I let someone down. I know I have to stop that and really start to think about ME, since no one else seems to lol.
I'm a work in progress, bare with me.
Current Music Mood;

1 love notes:

ourmoney said...

good blog !!!
how r u my friend
peace lover from Indonesia
good future for friendship all over the world
invite my blog and plz give ur comment