Monday, December 08, 2008

5 months today

"I am not protected from your agitation of my heart. I am a bee in your world. I am a squirrel. I move too quickly. I die too fast. Your song is cruel and selfish. You have no gasp to express me. I appeared in this world with you when you were lost in the pride of being alone." -L. Cohen

Why do you come my darling, why do you insist on making your presents notice? I’m not the girl I once was and I’m not loving you like I use to, truth is I’m moving on and going pass this. You’re to late and my love and patience have worn out. You’ve once again managed to disturb my life and barrage in. I was just trying to get along when you came along, whispering you still love me…. Well this is what I say to say, where was this love 5 months ago, just where was your touch then? I can’t keep running to you when you’re not really ready for me. I’m disconnected and unsure of you and all your words. You like to live in two very different worlds. I choose no long to participate in your charades.

This morning I was greeted by a familiar face, at my job, in my parking space…
*deep sigh*
Song playing; Alicia keys “no one”
Oh so convenient… pulling up seeing that truck, I already knew.
First thought; “God, your good, your funny!!!”

35 minute of dead-ends, 1 huge lie, heart throbbing eye contact, untimely negotiations, you do, you don’t, you will, you wont, freezing weather, cold heart, tears, remarks, silence, nervous, kiss, all to familiar reconnect, goodbye.

2 hours later, a follow-up phone call;;;
“why are you doing this to me..”
-because I love you, I want you in my life
“you don’t love me”
-I forgot, I’m just selfish
“and unstable. How does this work. How can you hurt someone so much that you claim you love. How do you expect me to take you back after it’s all said and done. I don’t love you anymore.”
-you don’t mean that, I don’t believe that. I felt our connection, it’s still there…
“well I didn’t, that time has come and passed, it’s too late”
-it’s never to late, I love you, tell me you love me…
“…….I love you”

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