Sunday, August 10, 2008

WEAKend.

So I've been sick all weekend.
turns out my doctor is right, "you'll have good days and bad days..."
It started Friday when I got in from work, I was about to get ready for CK's concert and I guess my body just had other plans for me...didn't go anywhere but to bed.

Saturday I was able to gather myself by noon to make it to Arlene's shower, I was honestly in pain the whole time but I had to take her gift and see my girls.

came home and slept the rest of the afternoon and night.

This morning is the worst of the three, haven't moved from this bed all morning and mear afternoon. I don't even know how I'm able to bear this, but I am.

So basically this weekend has been hell for me. I have back to back appointment next week so hopefully I can get more insight on everything. Especially this pain and not being able to eat.

To top all my shity-ness off I still haven't heard a word from this man, *sigh* guess I just really didn't know him as well as I swore I did. I know time and time again I talk about letting go, moving forward and realizing that maybe this isn't are time. But hell when you stummble across a person that you have such a strong connection with, on EVERY LEVEL it's hard to walk away from that. IT's hard to accept that it's just not meant to be. Although a part of me doesn't want him to call and wants him to stay away....inside all I want is to hear his voice and call me baby. Ask me how I'm feeling. Checking in and checking up to make sure I'm taking care of myself. But this is what it is and I cant change it, it comes down to this... It's not up to me anymore, if you want to be in my life you'll put yourself there..

I've never been the jelious type but being around my girlfriends who are getting married, married, having children, and happily taken just really makes me feel like what am I doing wrong, when will it be my turn, and why does it seem like my life is in a downward spiral, constantly... everytime I try to make a positive out of a negitive it backfires. Everytime I'm willing to step out the box like on Friday, shit happens, like my illness takes control of me.... there is nothing left to do but sleep.

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