Sunday, August 21, 2011

It came and went. I turned 26 this year in July and I'm still in stock of how time flies by. A bit scary actually. Anyway I got to thinking, about how I'm not exactly in the place that I wish/low key should be at, at 26. At first I began to get down on myself which turned into feeling sorry for myself which transformed into completely sadness. Well life is to short for all that and reality is, NOTHING EVER GOES AS PLANNED. Get Over it! At least that's what I'm telling myself now. Which lead to The twenty-six List, the 26 list is a list of 26 acts I want to engage in before my 27th birthday! I think this will help me A LOT in getting moving on stuff I really want to do but continue to drag my feet about. It's important that we can growing, learning, and changing. If we aren't moving, we aren't growing and stagnant is BAD NEWS! Please wish me luck as I try to cure myself of procrastination!

1. School. Ok it's time, I've BEEN talking, writing, and thinking about it, now it's time to break, STOP PROCRASTINATING, making excuses && just do it!
2. Passport. I'm 26, there is NO REASON why I shouldn't have one by now.
4. Air-Plane. It's becoming a little ridiculous at this point, my ass NEEDS to see the sky.
5. Camera. For once just buy something I really want, F a price tag!
6. Make a BUDGET and KEEP to it! I talked about this in a previous post, I need a budget in my life like a year ago!
7. SPIN! Take/Try a spinning class.
8. Learn a new trade.
9. GET IN TOP NOTCH SHAPE! -- contemplating a short-term trainer to start off with.
10. Decide on my next job!
11. Learn to say "No."
12. Stop Procrastinating!
13. Find Something of my Own.
14. Run/Walk for a cause.
15. HIKE!
16. Take a photo/art class.
17. Take a REAL vacation.
18. Master VEGANISM.
19. Do something with my talents!!!!!!!
20. Join a team. (I have much thoughts about this, will have follow-up post!)
21. BOOK! BOOK! BOOK! I'm not getting any younger and those who really know me, know that one of my life goals is to write a book, I have a total of about 5 possible directions, I'm 26 it's time to CHOOSE and START my book.
22. TRY SOMETHING NEW! -sounds simple but sometimes can be very hard to step out the box.
23. Be more social. -- I'll never be that social butterfly but for the sake of my 'head' and my relationship, I need to work on my social skills. -___-
24. Attend 'Spoken Words' nights
26. Feel, Live, and Be better!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

This year has been ooc, it came fast and is now leaving even faster.. and I'm left feeling unaccomplished! I feel like I haven't done anything this year! It's been one thing after another, from good to bad, from bad to worst.. etc etc. Needless to say by the way things have been going I've been unmotivated about, pretty much, everything. Well that has to change and I need to get all these thoughts x ideas outta my head and into action! I was inspired by Jayka's post the other day, LIST! So I've decided, a great way to keep me focused and motivated, WEEKLY, i WILL DO LIST. I will follow up with post at the end of the week, sharing what I was able to accomplish! I think this is baby steps in the right direction... so this week I will..

GET ORGANIZED! I can't function without organization and lately I've been so scattered brained and so has my office, home, car x life !

THE 26 LIST! I've had this idea x plan since before my birthday.. Time to post and put into action!!

WORK OUT!! I've been off and on with working out this summer "/ NOT THE PLAN! This week I want to get back on track with working at LEAST once a day!

ME TIME. Sadly, I can't remember the last time I did something nice for myself.. I'm so busy treating others good that I forget about me, the most important person! I have some how forgotten that, if I don't don't me well, I can't do anyone any better!

BUDGET. UGH! I despise $$$. Don't get me wrong I work hard for it just like the next guy but I wish it didn't control so much of my life. One of the major things I've been avoiding is making a budget for myself and little family. I don't anticipate on completely it this this but I want to at least get started and motivated to do so!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Brace yourself, this is a vent. There is a point in every person's life where the clouds part, things clear up and you see everything as it truly is. The fog is lifted and nothing is what you thought it to be, or made yourself believe. As I mentioned in an earlier post this year has been one of change and lost. Although I try to remain positive and up beat about everything around me, I still struggle. HOW DO YOU STAY UP, IN A DEPRESSED WORLD. Where no one is truly happy for you and every chance they get, they will pull you down, take shots at your happiness but wish you the best in your face. Living in a society of "haters" and usually if they aren't doing that, they are busying using you for whatever they can. How can a person live without trusting a single sole or really hold anything with true meaning. I live in and with a generation where, "nothing is enough" and MORE is Better, the "never satisfied" crowd. As you can guess it's like hell trying to please someone who can not be pleased. The "people-pleaser" in me dies; The lover in me folds; and the fighter in me surrenders. It's like fighting an army with only one soldier and it's not even your war to fight! I spent most of my adult life looking & NOT looking for the answer of love; because I believe that's all we need to get thru this life, alive, well, and happy. I believe it all starts with love and ends with love. But just like everything in this life, WE, people complicate e v e r y t h i n g including love. We take something so pure, rare, and precious and make it ordinary. We abuse it with selfishness, greed, lust, and pride. We claim to want it but once it's in our graces, we tool around foolishly with it, under appreciating it's value and pushing love to the limits. "You always hurt the ones you love" is what they say or how they excuse them self when inflicting cancer onto your love. It's a never ending cycle. The last of the hippies are dying off because of this world of "I" we live in. No one wants to change, sacrifice.. everyone wants it ALL.. dragging along what was real until it eventually falls off. Making a story of love lost and songs of the one that got away. Why does it have to be that way? Why do people have to be so self consumed that they let something so right, go left.. why isn't love enough. To all these questions I've already learned the answers and yet I still ask them, I guess the hopeful romantic in me still lives in that castle waiting to be saved. (can't believe I just admitted that). I feel like I've spent the majority of my youth and young adult hood in disappointment, failed by love and loved ones. Overly used, unappreciated, and over looked. Be it by family, friends, or lovers. I hate to say, I have poor choice in company but the evidence speaks for it self. At what point do you exhaust the possibly of love and give up. Is accepting "what you can get" acceptable, and is time ticking so fast that it's necessary to do so?.. I had the idea, a long time ago, that I would one day meet someone who shared that same love for love as I, that I wouldn't be just a solo act in the fight for love and peace but that we would unite and spread the word of love together. As I get older, date & relationship men, the more I start to question my theory or yet plan for life. I sometimes, almost constantly have the same, reoccurring thought, maybe I'm meant to run free.. For as long as I can reminder I've always LOVED love, everything about it, even the hurt because that leads to healing which leads to more love. But somewhere after 23 my love got restless and need a rest. Between then and now my love has grown, flourished, and entwined itself in another's. Together, the two have grown, flourished, and evolved. Despite much and many love haters, they have both survived. But how do you fall down a rabbit's hole untouched?... You Don't. You're gonna have scraps, bumps, and bruises. And depending on how often you fall down that hole, or half way down that hole is to determine just how (excuse my language) for lack of a better word, how F**ed up you get. All to often men and women meet fall in love, and someone falls deeper, harder, and faster than the other. Much too often the two will stay and one will always feel as tho their love is unappreciated. And all too often the two; burn, destroy, and bury that same love. No one respects love anymore and everyone is far to selfish. People want to continue to hold on to Ex's and "friends" they know deep down inside you should not have. People tell half truths to protect a number of things, instead of just, SIMPLY, NOT doing an act in which you NEED to tell HALF TRUTH about. The lack of consistency within a relationship has lead, the satisfaction with monogamy, to be pretty much non existent. People commit to "open-relationships" , what are you committing to? While others just step out on each other without the prior agreement. It's like a battle field out here, Pat Benatar knew what she was talking about! I don't believe any love is perfect and who likes settled waters any how.. I'm not looking to jump ship, at least not yet, I think. I'm convinced that love is the strongest drug and by far is the craziest act to commit! If everyone just took care of the love they got, we would all be better off. If everyone gave as much as they took, we would all be even. Funny how I'm the only one thinking this. (deep inside, I hope that's not true.) I'm a sensitive soul, overly emotional, a hot head, with zero patients, I'm a brat that wants to be spoiled, and I'm selfish, I'll want you all to myself, I'm needy and I tend to cling a little too but I'll be the best lover you'll ever have. I'll help, support, and aid you into the man you want to become. I'll love you even on your worst day while I'm on mine. I'll make you the center of my universe, I'll do anything you ask, I'll make you smile more, laugh harder, and live better. I'll be just yours, faithful and true. All these things, that are just things, you can have.. I just want you! A man that reads this and knows I'm talking to him because that's all he wants too. We could be the perfect fit but you let the world and all the selfish desires pull you away. It's hard to continue to hold onto something that insist on slipping away. I've had some really great love stories. Some short, some too long but all ended pretty much the same, I, the hippie walking away.. for varies reasons but all going back to the same core, lack of love and expression. How is your love today? How much have you given and how much have you taken? ,, don't hesitate to ask for more love, just be sure you get it! And if you take anything from this post, let it be this, love is NOT love until it's given, felt, and returned.

Friday, August 12, 2011

FINALLY! Aug 12th is here, the night my fellow and I have been waiting for! Tonight Cam will be opening for Dom Kennedy and Overdoz at The Glass House in Pomona. We have so much build up behind this and finally all my love's hard work will be seen and H E A R D . I have seen him preform before BUT he wasn't mine then (h u g e crush factor) but he wasn't mine lol needless to say I can hardly contain myself and my excited to get this night started. Seeing him on stage doing what HE LOVE and was MADE to do, is what this life is about, that smile, tells it all and I can't wait to see it! I'm sure I'll have tons of photos and video! I'm also a H U G E Dom and Overdoz fan and I'm super hyped to see and meet them. It's also my brother's (Cam's younger brother) birthday and we plan to Get Desssssted Out! lmao (only overdoz listeners will get that) Anyhow preparing for a night out is pretty intense, I realized last night I haven't done this in a while, I'm usually home, with him hanging out, or the movies.. nothing that calls upon much thought when it comes to "what should I wear"... I spent last night and this morning trying to figure it out lol smh now I remember why I don't go out anymore lol Needless to say I'm all about the comfort x cuteness ,, I think I got it down, I shall post outfit pics later as well! Away from the music side, I'm wayyy to excited about seeing my girls tonight, my original blog sister will be out supporting, my Rissa, whom I haven't seen since the last time I seen Cam preform...CRAZY, I know, years have past and our lives have changed soo much but we have remained tight, actually tighter and I can NOT WAIT to see my girl & live up the night. Now for those OG BLOGGERS you may remember these two Tasteless Ladies, Kia and NikkiFace from Tasteless Diamonds These ladies and I have been blog x twitter x tumblr x facebook friends for a long while and we will FINALLY UNIT face to face and take over the GLASS HOUSE tonight! lol I love these ladies to death and I'm more then blessed to have them coming out to support and show love! Do I need to say it... I'm about to have soo much FUN! LOL! I hope you all have a wonderful and eventful weekend, enjoy the sun!! I know I will be making the most out of this weekend because after this, SCRIPPS owns my ass, I'll be working 7days back to back for a little's back!! Love you all.

Online tickets: HERE
Listen to: CAM GNARLY